Gasping

If you and I ever had the chance to cross paths you might catch me tying my running shoes on,
or spot a glimpse of me on the sidewalks pushing myself faster and harder with a very tight pony tail and a very red face, sweating years away.

Because there's a lot I'm running from.

I'm running from my college dorm and the terrible mattress I can never sleep on. I'm running from pain and loneliness. I'm running from constantly thinking about home and how unfair everything is. I'm running from thinking about what I could be doing and how I'm actually hiding. I'm running from thoughts of you and how nothing will ever change no matter how big I smile. And being 2 hours away from a cougar I wish was an aggie. I'm running from everything that smells like my grandma. And I know the irony is hilarious that when I run my heart is pounding in my ears when that's what I'm trying to run from.

I'm running and running and running and running and running...

I swear I don't know how I haven't been diagnosed with asthma,
because every time someone sits next to me my mind goes through anyone they remind me of and then I cant breathe.
And when I'm sitting alone at a table no one wants to dare sit at I cant get the slightest air in.
Or when my best friend looks at me the way no one ever looks at me I cant get this pain in my chest to go away.
And especially when people ask me how college is, there isn't enough oxygen in the world to keep my lungs level.
No matter what I cant seem to get the perfection from being shoved down my throat.
But I still run.
And I'll be running.
At least until I cant feel anymore.

To be honest my feet hurt like hell.
I'm past the point of exhaustion.
But sleep isn't doing me any favors.

So if you ever see me running or gasping for breath
please hold my hand
and hold it hard until I can catch my breath again.