Let's talk about it

Let's talk about the truth, the tetanus infested reality. 

Let's talk about 2 months and being forced to put our big boy& big girl undies on soon. 

Let's talk about aching in our bones. 

And the popping sound our knees make when we climb stairs. 

Actually, no. 

Let's talk about right now. 

Let's talk about scary movies on Friday nights and the races to our beds after turning the lights off. 

Let's talk about the happy thoughts you tried to muster up before going to bed, so at least your day would end alright.

Let's talk about how hardly anyone reads these blogs. And how that needs to change. 

Let's scream about the anxiety that's giving us little gasps of helium, slowly filling us up beyond our limit. 

Teasing us to pop.

Daring us.

Let's scream our frustrations to the rocks because the trees weren't made to withstand earthquakes. 

Let's listen to the silence that fills hallways. Listen for the hundreds of ribs cracking as they try to contain our morphed and bleeding hearts. 

You'd never think to hear ribs breaking because they were the best at keeping secrets. 

Until they overflowed. 

You know, cracked ribs should be more serious than doctors give them credit for. 

I wish veins were things people translated. 

Maybe then we'd be able to find our way to each other's hearts.

If I could read your veins I'd follow them all the way to your collarbones and stay there for a while, listening.

I'd fall asleep on your lungs and watch how your heart pumps as the day went on. I'd bury my face in your palms and the calluses that have formed over time. 

You see there's enough wrinkles under our skin to scar. Your body bruises easier than the rest of them but they haven't been through your kind of hell. 

The world's a tough one. 

And maybe if we had the right puzzle pieces we could finish it, but my mind's hid most of the pieces from us

And your little brother lost 3 of them yesterday. 

And I think I saw her dog chewing on one of them. 

But last night, last night I heard my parents talking about what to do with 2 of them because I wasn't ready for them yet. 

I'm not ready for any of them yet. 

This puzzle used to be made of 10 pieces but now it's turned into the kind that won't stop growing.

Maybe if we could read veins you'd see how tangled up mine are. 

And how I spend each night brushing the snarls out of them until I can lay still on my bed without twitching,

Without thinking. 

Maybe then you'd see how all i want to do is fit into this class and just have one massive heart to heart for the rest of the year. 

Maybe you'd see how hard I'm trying. And how I'm not afraid to be your friend, I just need a little push. 

But maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you'll find out who I am and think it's weird how honest I am, maybe you'll play the teenage card and pretend not to care. 

I sure hope you're above that. 

Because maybe then you'd see that I'm actually Hayley Tanner. 

That AF chick in the class.