"Failing Math" Xmas Edition // PoBev performance

The I've never really been good with numbers. 

Something about them just doesn't make sense.
Let me try to explain,

12- 12 days before Christmas when Finals begin. Can you feel the gravity shift? Can you see everyone trying to find enough oxygen? I can, I can see you stressing your sleep away about it, and him panicking himself into a corner over it, and she's completely moved into the library because of it.

11- To you I'm another student, to you I'm just a girl up on a stage making noise while you scroll through Instagram. If only you could see deeper than that. If only you had your eyes checked before tonight, maybe then you'd see that I've got 11 scars all over me. Each from moments I thought I'd be living on the floor for the rest of my life. Maybe that's nothing compared to you or maybe it's too much for you to even understand.

10- the number of eyes glued to her while she gave it her all. Emotions were all over her sleeves. Bleeding onto the floor making the kind of stain you never want to clean up.

9-I'm starting to recognize all the chewed up pencils for what they really are. I'm starting to understand heartburn and not because of all the Morty's I've had but because of all of this. Because every slip on the ice, every smoky breath I've given this winter, every blue finger I've almost lost is making me forget what it was like to be warm.

8- When I was 8 I was building my ribs with washable markers. My heart had everything glued to it, from cheerios to gold star stickers. There was glitter wedged in everything. But now? Now I've used everything from bubble gum to nail guns to keep this anatomy together. And as proud as I am of the masterpiece I have become, I'm terrified of what the critics will post in their next article.

7- 7 days in a week. 7 days in a week. Just 7 days in a week. If I can just make it through 7 days then it will be a week. Just 7 days in a week. 7 days in a week. uh I'm starting to feel weak. This is all making me so weak.

3- (yeah I know I skipped some numbers, I told you I'm no good with them.) 3, the number of times I've tried talking to you but you were too busy checking how many likes that last tweet of yours got.

2- *snap snap* Wake up love, this one's for you. For all the fears pounding to the same beat as your heart, seeping out of your fingertips. For all the fears that never seem to go away no matter how hard you try to scrub them off in the shower every night.

1- The human heart pumps approximately 4000 times per hour, and with each pulse, with just 1 pulse, with just one breath it's whispering "you are still alive". You are still alive. Let me say that again, you are alive. So just breathe. 

*Deep breath*


See I've got this problem with numbers,
everything's mixed up in my head.
We all have reasons for forgetting how to breathe.
Mine just happened to be tied to numbers.