Things I promised myself I'd do but haven't



Make mix tapes

Pick up Costco pictures

Clean room

Get film

Write paper on ISIS

Take your pictures off my wall

Sleep more

Write missionaries

Be in the same room as him





 I owe so many people mix tapes.
But I'm already a mix tape
 with a playlist made up of only one song you thought fit me so perfectly
 that keeps playing over and over and over
Driving me mad.


And I cant take down your pictures or even think of a clean room
because I'm too busy picking up the crumbs of my heart
  off my floor you so kindly dropped. 


I have this anxiety that if I buy film I'll take pictures of the wrong things
 and miss the moments that count the most.
The moments I'll wish I had captured when we are all scattered across the world 
and going to different colleges.

I can't write a paper on ISIS because 45% of me wants to watch
500 Days of Summer and Moulin Rouge.
 And the rest of me just wants to read blogs all day
every day.


I can't seem to get enough sleep no matter what I do.
I keep finding myself rushing out the door to the next promise I made
or too exhausted to even sleep.
I tried googling it but Google doesn't get it.


I hate writing missionaries, at least these ones.
Because he makes me wish I was a sophomore again with no
responsibility or stress (besides learning to drive)
And he makes me cringe every time I think back to last year and the
goggles I had duct taped to my head.


And as stupid as this is, I can't stand being in the same room as you.
I know that makes me pathetic but I can't look at you with your smiley face
and pretend everything is okay. It's not okay.
You hurt me without even noticing.
Tessa Todd asked,
 "have you tried letting go of somebody that's already let you go" 
This is me. And I'm still trying.





I don't think I'll ever cross any of these off my list.

Maybe one day. 







4 Happy Thoughts:

  1. *silently freaking out cause you quoted me* umm i loved this and i dont have words to say anymore but thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mixtapes, yes.

    I just had an idea. Mixtape assignment. Everyone brings in a mixtape and gives it to someone. Yes. Yes. Yes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this post. Honestly way too relatable.

    Be in the same room as him

    Same.

    ReplyDelete